S-watching...

I'm in the midst of a little experimental knitting right now.  I'm not sure anything will come of it, but now and then there will be an idea and a skein of yarn that get together and conspire to distract me from all other productive activities.  I find myself muttering...things like...I don't know about this...the yarn is too this or that...I'm not sure this will be remotely cute, or wearable, or even doable...why oh why am I working on this when there are so many other projects waiting in the wings?...This chatter usually continues until I finally surrender and cast on.

That's where I am now...s-watching, looking at the rounds growing on my needle, and watching the clock...

...and wondering...Will anything come of it?...I honestly don't know, but I do know this, that giving in, allowing myself the permission to try and fail, to experiment almost always ushers in a new idea, or at the very least some information gained—and yet I am resistant to this concept...I have to be worn down by the idea {the one that won't let go} to get to it.  Why does my knitting only "count" if it becomes something right this very moment?... and why am I so ready to deem it "wasting time" if it doesn't?—and I'm not talking about deadline knitting here, but just knitting for knitting's sake knitting.  It's far too easy for me to get product and time oriented.  It's silly really—after all there are just so many hours in the day and many of the things I like do are labor intensive and take time...one of the reasons that I value them is because of that.  So how is it that I find myself trying to impose an external pace to those things that I  have chosen to pursue because they slow me down, because of the investment and personal touch that they require? 

As I sit here knitting away and chiding myself for all that I'm not doing and for the fact that this knitting experiment may be just that, I am, more than ever, aware of the luxury of all of this...having the time, the supplies, a home, and people in my life who support me, understand, and don't resent the things that are left undone in the wake of my playing with yarn.  And right now I am especially aware of the view from where my kids sit...what am I teaching them?...I want them to experiment, to risk, to try, to be more process oriented, and most of all to know that not everything has to end the way they planned.  So as I sit, knitting and wondering what will come of this green tangle, I am trying to remind myself to tend my own garden...to give myself over to experimentation, with a grateful heart and without grousing if it doesn't turn into anything tangible, to show them {and me}...as they teach me over and over again, the words I say don't matter, it's the doing that counts.

Of course, these are rather banal musings—I know this is all so simple and obvious, but trite or not, I need to be reminded...and  it occurs to me that this is why I have chosen the slow road...because eventually it does slow me down enough to take a look at the big picture and focus in on it, it gives me time and space to connect the dots...Maybe the idea that's been percolating and my green yarn were conspiring just for that...

...if so, it's more than enough.

xoxo
~alison